Am I Being Reasonable? Fifth Scenario

In the world of investigations, whether it be workplace, campus or Title IX, we often run into situations where two people interpret the same events in wildly different ways.  As human beings, our memories can be subjective, and we are constantly interpreting events through the lens of our own backgrounds and experiences. 

In the legal world, everyone is held to the standard of behaving like a “reasonable person.”  Can someone who always makes the best choices and always perceives the world in an accurate way really exist?  The short answer is no.  Everyone perceives the world in a different way and often there is no universal “correct answer” to the situations we come across.  As investigators, however, we are often called upon to carefully assess facts to reach reasoned findings on whether one person’s interpretation of a situation was more reasonable than the other’s.

Try it yourself!  Below are a Complainant’s and Respondent’s accounts of the same events.  When you are finished reading, click the vote button at the bottom of the accounts for one of the following:

• CIBR—Complainant is being reasonable, and Respondent is not.

• RIBR—Respondent is being reasonable, and Complainant is not. 

• EIBR—Everyone is being reasonable, it’s just a difference of opinion.

• NOIBR—No one is being reasonable here, neither of these perspectives makes any sense!

Complainant’s Perspective

I (female, 25) joined Glowing Cosmetics one year ago as a Merchandise Intern.  After receiving a Bachelor’s Degree in Business Administration, a position at Glowing Cosmetics was a great opportunity for a recent grad.  The stars aligned when Glowing came to my university’s career fair.  The company had an opening for their Diversity Internship, and as a female, Mexican immigrant, I decided to apply.  After a rigorous application process, I got the job!  I really fought for this position, and I’m proud to have earned it. 

Things were going well in my internship, and I even earned a promotion.  I was so excited that my talents were being recognized.  I felt like the company really “walked the walk” when it came to diversity.  I wasn’t only hired for an internship --  they valued my work and promoted internally.  I could see a future at Glowing.  That is, until I started training in my new role.

Three months ago, I was promoted to Sales Associate, and Respondent became my supervisor.  I don’t know if Respondent is racist or just old, but she’s been making me feel seriously singled out because I’m Mexican.  Let me explain.

As I said, I was hired for the Diversity Internship, and I am one of two Hispanic employees in the company.  Other than that, the company is pretty much all white people.  I already feel like an outsider because of this, and Respondent has only made this worse for me.

When I joined Respondent’s team, I became the face of the Diversity Internship for incoming candidates.  Respondent asked me to travel the state and promote the internship at different universities.  She also asked me to do a photoshoot and an interview for the company’s website.

At first, I felt celebrated for the diversity I bring to the team.  Then a few weeks later, I noticed that my photos weren’t only being used for the Diversity Internship… they were on the entire company’s website!  I was upset that the company used my photos in this way without my permission.  More than that, I felt tokenized as one of two Hispanic people on the team. 

When I confronted Respondent about it, she said, “I thought you were excited about this opportunity.  It’s a great way to promote yourself within the company and to the outside world!”  Her comment completely invalidated my feelings, and I started to look at her differently.

Not to my surprise, Respondent stepped out of line again when she was “offended” that I was speaking in Spanish to a coworker.  I was in the conference room waiting for a meeting to start when my coworker started speaking to me in Spanish about her weekend.  Respondent came in to the room and sat next to us.  We both said “hi” to Respondent, and continued our discussion in Spanish.  Suddenly Respondent said, “I feel left out when you speak in Spanish.  I can’t understand a word you all are saying!” 

I apologized to Respondent, because she’s my boss.  But I shouldn’t have had to apologize.  Spanish is our native language.  Speaking in Spanish in a private conversation shouldn’t be seen negative.  It’s our right to speak to each other!  Respondent shouldn’t have made this about her.

Eventually, I stopped giving Respondent the benefit of the doubt when she called me out at the company’s Holiday Party.  Every winter, the company throws a pot luck party.  Employees bring in dishes that they typically eat around the winter holidays.  I brought in Pork Tamales this year.  Respondent walked around looking at everyone’s meals.  When she stopped at my station, she said, “This looks so interesting.  I’ve never seen this before, what is it?”  The weird thing was she didn’t call anyone else’s meals “interesting” or ask what they were.  This felt like just another instance that I was being singled out for being Mexican. 

I can’t keep working under Respondent if she continues to treat me this way.  I feel excluded and targeted because of my ethnicity.

AIBR?

Respondent’s Perspective

I (female, 59) deny any and all allegations that Complainant has raised against me.  I am an accomplished executive.  I certainly didn’t get here by being racist.  I’m beyond offended that she would raise these complaints against me.  It threatens my reputation and my livelihood, and I don’t take these accusations lightly.

Before this investigation, I thought very highly of Complainant.  I thought she was a strong, ambitious woman, and I saw a lot of myself in her.  Now, I think she is coming after me so she can advance quickly within the Sales Department.  What a shame.

I would like the opportunity to respond to these accusations, because they are all a misunderstanding on her part. 

As to the marketing campaign, Complainant is leaving out an important fact.  She asked me to be part of the campaign; I did not ask her.  We gave her a great opportunity to tour universities and speak to potential new interns.  She granted us permission to take the photos, and she willingly participated in the interview.  It was honestly a great networking opportunity for her, and she should have been grateful to get such exposure.

Yes, we did end up using the photos for the company’s homepage rather than just the Diversity Internship.  But that is only because we truly value diversity, and we are working toward a more diverse workforce at Glowing.  It’s important for future diverse applicants to see that we value diversity, and one way to accomplish that is by seeing Complainant on our website. 

Companies weren’t always so eager to promote diversity, and Complainant should be glad she has these opportunities.  I fought my way into corporate leadership in the early 2000s, and these experiences were not just handed out like they are these days.  As a woman who experienced discrimination in the workplace, this is not how she should behave. We gave Complainant an opportunity to get her face out there – she should be grateful!   

I admit that I told Complainant I felt left out when she spoke to her coworker in Spanish.  But that was because I want to promote inclusivity in the workplace.  If I felt left out because I could not understand the conversation, I can assume most other people in the room also felt left out.  Inclusion, along with diversity, is one of our company’s values.  As someone in leadership, I believe it’s my role to promote these values and stand up when I can.  I thought that Complainant would appreciate that I was trying to be inclusive.

I also admit that I asked Complainant about her dish at the Holiday Party.  But again, I was trying to be inclusive.  I had never seen this dish before, and I wanted to learn more about it.  I thought the younger generation appreciated when leadership made an effort to learn about their culture and again – promote inclusivity.  Would it have been better if I didn’t educate myself on her dish?  Would it have promoted inclusivity if I didn’t tell her it looked interesting?

Look, I like having Complainant on my team.  She has a strong presence and brings fresh ideas.  But I will not be accused of being a racist when I was trying to make her feel welcome.

AIBR?

Missed the last Am I Being Reasonable? We’ve got you covered. Click here for the previous of our AIBR series.