Pandemic Parenting
Shortly before the COVID-19 pandemic became national news, my coworker and I joked about leaving our office for the day to start our “second shift” — caring for our children, spouses, and homes when we got home from work. Shortly thereafter, the shelter-in-place order went into effect and suddenly my “second shift” collided with my day job. It all became just one big shift. Round-the-clock care for my young children and being face-to-face with the daily chores (hello, pile of dirty dishes) that I could blissfully ignore when I went to the office were now part of my at-home work environment. Now several weeks into to this new, albeit temporary, “normal,” I have found the following tips help me stay sane:
Create a Routine. Preparing a “to do” list or schedule for the day can help you stay on track. I found some structure helpful, so I could focus on one thing at a time and cut down on distractions and my tendency to try to do three things at once. My daily schedule might look something like this:
6:00 a.m. – 7:00 a.m.: Prepare list of work priorities for the day and start on the highest priority tasks while kids are asleep.
7:00 a.m. – 8:00 a.m.: Prepare breakfast when kids wake up and get them ready for their day. Clean kitchen.
8:00 a.m. – 10:30 a.m.: Draft Smith investigation report; kids free play.
10:30 a.m. – 11:00 a.m.: Kids snack time; attend virtual circle time with my preschooler and his class.
11:00 a.m. – 12:00 p.m.: Work-related Zoom call; get out special toys for kids to play with.
12:00 p.m. – 1:00 p.m.: Lunchtime! Play t-ball with kids in backyard.
1:00 p.m. – 3:00 p.m.: Analyze documents for Jones investigation; kids play with Play Doh, crayons, and sorting activity.
3:00 p.m. – 3:30 p.m.: Kid snack time; take kids and the dog for a walk around the neighborhood.
3:30 p.m. to 5-ish p.m.: Prep for interviews for Jones investigation; kids Facetime with grandma and have free play.
Get Outside (In Accordance With Social Distancing Parameters). Being confined inside all day takes its toll. Getting outside, rain or shine, at a scheduled time helps refocus. Combine it with taking out the trash, throwing a Frisbee, or just pushing the stroller around the block.
Homeschooling. While the thought of homeschooling your child may seem daunting, you have more than likely been their teacher for a while. You have taught your child many lessons: how to use the bathroom, ride a bike, and say please and thank you. There is no perfect standard you need to meet. Homeschooling should first and foremost be about what works for your child and for you. And at home, everything can be a learning opportunity, including more practical skills your child may not learn in a formal school setting, such as cooking or budgeting. You are more prepared for this than you probably feel.
Create a Distraction. Have a dedicated drawer of quiet toys that your children can only use while you are on that all-important Zoom call. I found my three year old cannot wait for Mama to have videoconferences, rather than having them resent the time you are unavailable.
Re-Examine Your Priorities. One of the hardest parts of the adjustment for me was coming to terms with the reality that there was not enough time in my day to do it all. I quickly realized I needed to re-examine my list of priorities to determine what mattered most. For example, I learned to be okay with my house not being as tidy as I would like. This gave me time to cook three meals a day (more like five, my kids are always eating!) and spend more quality time with my family at the end of the workday. Also, thanks to Zoom’s virtual background feature when I have videoconference calls, no one outside of my family would see inside my home anyway!
Focus on the Positives. With all of the stress that comes with this adjustment, focusing on the positives can help put things in perspective. For example, my husband is considered an “essential worker,” so I worry for his health when he goes to work. However, I try to remind myself we are lucky we both have jobs, and that his employer is taking precautionary measures to protect everyone’s health.
Phone (or Zoom) a Friend. Staying connected with your friends and family via phone or videoconferencing, such as Zoom or Slack, can also be a good outlet. I found participating in a Zoom social hour with friends, who also happen to be working moms like me, was a great way to share our similar struggles and triumphs, however big or small. It also gives us an opportunity to have some levity during this difficult time.
Give Yourself a Break. Many of us are struggling with this adjustment. Having some bad days and struggles is normal. Some days, I worry my kids are getting too much screen time, or will fall behind in their development since they are missing out on some activities. On most days, I realize we are doing the best we can under difficult circumstances, and we are doing just fine. On those bad days, keep in mind we are all in this together and we will get through this.
Check out Carrie’s interview on Pandemic Parenting with Atticus.
Carrie McFadden is a Senior Associate Attorney with Van Dermyden Maddux Law Corporation. Her practice focuses on conducting workplace investigations, involving discrimination, harassment, retaliation, performance issues, and misconduct.
Lezi Zuidema is an Associate Attorney with Van Dermyden Maddux Law Corporation. Her practice focuses on discrimination-based complaints in both private and public-sector employment contexts and Title IX campus investigations and hearings.
The foregoing is for informational purposes only and is not legal advice, nor should be construed as such.
